9.03.2006


i am in the bridge of recovery.

right now, conscience, soul, i am here, wanting, waiting for y'all to reunite with me.

DAMN~

this cheap life is killing me. although, yeah, still m a lucky bitch having a job and all that shit. but man! i've been slacking my ass off ever since demmit.

i was getting into the serious point at the first parts of the training program but then, mr. sloth hasnt left me ever since. and when i got money, i spend them like shit.

shit.

lotsa shit.

but, but.. i believe i am already capable of being a good person. (or am i just praising myself?) so far, my relationship with other people is great, i already have lots of friends in my new company, regardless of the age, they ARE talkin', jammin', kickin' ass wit me.. hahahahahahahaha

++

but i dunno. i think people still cant get over my age. y'know that silent discrimination this know-it-all's have? it's like they're saying to my face: "i'm big, you're small, i'm right, you're wrong" shit.

aargh. although people are showing how good of a company they are, man, im not numb, they are being hypocritical at some point. when i get recognitions, commendations, and stuff alike they are being asses, trying hard not to notice that i did great. and when they are on top, they boast like chickens.

or, when somebody their age (or older) get some kudos points, they praise like cheerleaders.

(will i always experience this kind of treatment?)

but im not mad demmit. as a matter of fact, feeling proud. acting like that, it just shows that they have a big chunk of envy against me.

not that i am overly praising myself but, this blog is about me so ima talk about me and how i feel about the world.

the world is being unfair at times. but at the back of it, hey, it's being pretty damn appreciative. hahahaha. whatan irony.

im looking at the positive side of everything. if my dad cant understand why am i being so complex (and not simple like my ate), then he's missing a hell lot. if my mom thinks im not gonna make it to the top like her, well then just wait and see. let's just kick some of these uncommittedness inside me and ima be there and ima rock. rock. or if not, ima fuck. fuck this life im livin. hahaha. whichever. but at least im living the way i like. freedom is my thing, although im being very very disappointed, economically speaking.

hah.

and... i dunno. i guess i'll just wait and see.

there are still some things that im being very afraid of.

like what if mom wont pass the bar exam? what if adam stays in the hospital for much longer than a week? or what f he'll get worse? what if i get terminated due to a POS (i did a lot of wrong actions)?

i guess i'll just trust this world. and do my thang. hahaha.




give me siomai.
x 6:31 p.m. x

Tagboard::
Links::

frawdetihw
pishy
labeedabeedoo
avid idol
night idol
larongraker
tawa ka
abamarina
explodingdog

misshell aka mike aka michiko aka june::

i was born on Sybil's birthday at 3:15 am.

i reside in an almost inhumanely tiny roomie with a toilet room shared by 17 other boarders. 17 is unlucky for me.

i work at nowhere as of the moment. i just draw.

i own a multi-colored bead bracelet with a red lace.

i eat rice once a day, and i shit every two days.

i love watching pishy do the 3-5, i wonder when can i have my own load.

i hum share the shower with someone very closely related to me.

i can't sleep without brushing my teeth.

i want to eat shrimp sandwich, NOW.

i sigh, yawn and scratch my head when i'm bored.(don't we all do?)

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

*kunwari seryoso*